Note to Self

2013 has come and gone, and we've all succeeded in rolling over into a new year.

this year i won't be making any (lofty/ambitious/unrealistic) promises or resolutions, but i would really want to remind myself to love my family.
put more specifically, to love each and every one of my near and dear ones as equally as possible.

put even more specifically, to love my husband every day of our days together and not have the daily grind eat away at the foundation that was us, before JJ came into the picture.

the married-with-kids will probably know what I'm getting at.

once a baby comes into the picture, a husband is somehow relegated to the bench.
he becomes the one-with-the-heavy-diaper-bag, the why-arent-you-doing-as-much-as-i-am part of the marriage.

it's all very sad, so i swore to myself when i was pregnant that i won't be one of those who ended up relentlessly picking on her husband post-baby.

but i fell into the same rut.
i would very much like to blame it on my changing body shape, postpartum hormones, the fact that we now have a screaming infant in the house, but there really isn't a good enough reason for constantly finding fault with your own husband.

i realised how monstrous i had become last christmas, when i was searching for JJ's lost sock and my eyes wandered over to the foot of the christmas tree, where ken had left a present for me.

i used to be the one with the surprises, but last year, i bought ken's birthday gift 5 months ahead and handed it to him at the shop register, and i neither planned nor did anything for our wedding anniversary and christmas.
i became icy and snappy, and ken was made the convenient victim of all my thorns and prickles.
the baby had become the excuse for my forgetting our marriage, and his gift made me remember.

it reminded me that we existed before JJ, and our love is the reason why JJ ever made it into the picture in the first place.

so this year, this monster of a wife will try to be nicer. there will be no equating the number of times he changes JJ's diaper to how much he loves me. there will also be no faulting him for not being home more because of work.

and if the husband wants five eggs in his breakfast omelette, so be it.

Fleeting

It's 12.30am and he just fell asleep in my arms.

the husband is away at work so it's just me and the bub for the night. the lights on the Christmas tree are twinkling, and the television turned down low. I see the soft rise and fall of his chest, the gentle flutter of his eyelids as he finds his way into deeper sleep.

he feels both light and heavy at the same time cradled in my hands. how soon it has been, he has already turned two months old. I remember those trying first nights when I wished he would grow up faster so that I would have it easier and be able to have more uninterrupted hours of sleep.

funny but now I am already missing him as a newborn. I wish it could always be just us both, him small enough to fit in my hands and always looking up at me with that disarming toothless smile of his.

very soon his tiny hands will no longer be mine exclusively to hold, his head will no longer seek my chest for comfort. his legs will grow strong and wander into the world beyond and away from me.

and that day will come sooner than I think. so let me always remember tonight, with the fairy lights and the way you look and the way we are.

it won't always be this way, you and me. how fleeting this all really is.

goodnight my dear, and see you in the morning.

An Ode to Our Grand Dame

We finally decided to let her go.

13 years. ken and i have been together for ten, and when i first met him she was already in his life.
back then she was just fresh out of adolescence, still shiny and new.

no one knew us as well as she did. our entire love story literally unfolded within the space that was her, and she was part unwilling witness to all of our petty lovers' squabbles, teary confessions and romantic expressions of love.
she helped mark every milestone of our time together - from friends to lovers, lovers to husband and wife, wife to expectant mother.

i always thought i would have the chance to introduce JJ to her, to let her have the glory of carrying the fruit that came from all those years of silent observation.

it wasn't always smooth sailing though. we've taken turns at hurting her; she suffered her worst injuries ever under my hand when i dragged the entire left side of her body across a concrete wall when i was still inexperienced.

mounting injuries and years of relentless wind and rain slowly robbed her of her beauty. she became battered, chipped, dented and rusted.
her back window didn't work and we always had to pull up the glass by hand.
the speedometer and gauges stopped working and the air conditioning gave up.
rust created holes in her carriage, and rain found its way into the interior.
the melodies stopped floating out from her radio and speakers.

but she never once complained. she never begged to be fixed and she bore all of her scars like a proud horse out of battle.
and when life handed her lemons, she made them into the best lemonade. like the time when she was made an innocent victim of a collision while she was waiting for us to finish our shopping at a downtown mall. (we ended up making an unexpected windfall from the insurance claim.)

it was a sunny day when they came to pick her up for good. we took pictures, talked about the glory days and cleaned the past out of her.
we told the man who came for her to be gentle when the time came to lower the axe.

and we stared and stared until the truck that carried her away from us went out of sight.

she was my first car and i loved her so.

farewell my dame, you've had a good run.

Saying Hello All Over Again

I can't believe it's been so long.

in my long absence life remained pretty much the same, although

some old friendships were strengthened and renewed while others quietly faded into the past
a few old mindsets gave way to a set of new perspectives
i put into action the thoughts in my head and co-started a store in japan
and then another in singapore a year later

and now, our family of two has become three.

meet JJ.

life has changed indefinitely. some changes are good, others not so.
but the richness of the experience has taught and moved me in ways i never expected.

there really is a greater love.

お初。。。

。。。の「アンデスメロン」です！

値段はそんなに高くなかったが、「果物に400円もかかるなんて」と思いがちのシンガポール人のわたしにとって、かなり大きな買い物をしちゃった気分です＾＾

アンデスメロンは、実にアンデス山脈と全く関係無い。栽培しやすいことから、「作って安心」「売って安心」「買って安心」より、「安心ですメロン」というネーミングで売り出す予定だったそうです。しかし、名前にセンスがないとのことから、略して「アンデスメロン」となったらしい。

まっ、名前はどうであれ、おいしければなんでもいいや。
明日のおやつタイム、楽しみだね～

Summer Skies.

Iced tea.

Fireworks.

Cicadas.

Sun.

Blue skies.

We're Famous!

Imagine my surprise when I saw this on TV.

five old japanese men collectively known as SMAP (one of the biggest boybands in japan) having a good time at our very own MBS.

smap shot a series of commercials (four in total i think) in singapore for softbank, one of japan's fastest growing cellular phone companies thanks to their monopoly over the sale of iphones in japan, cheap subscription plans and ads featuring a white dog as the father of a very dysfunctional family.

watch for the end of the commercial...the merlion gets turned into mr. white dog!



here's another one:



and here's one of the white dog and his off-kilter family:

Summer's Here!

The sweltering heat is back.

the best part? the green mobile's air-con isnt working so the both of us sweat like pigs every time we sit in the car.

that aside, it's the third week of work and so far things are pretty interesting. although it's only a part-time job, i help administer scholarships and summer exchange programmes at the university's foreign students' centre and the work isnt repetitive, which is something that i like. plus i get time for myself in the afternoon since i leave work at 3.30pm every day. it's my idea of a good compromise between earning some pocket money and still having the leisure of spending (late) afternoons at home.

just this afternoon, i was on my way home from dropping ken off to a work dinner when i decided to make a quick detour to the department store.

the following is what happens when i am left to my own devices. two belts of the same design in two different colours. i just got too tired trying to figure out which colour to buy.

just allow me to say this: hurray to pocket money!!

Budding Addiction

Meet Serena Stone, budding fashion stylist.




one mention in vogue was all it took to pique my curiosity. i think fans of online shopping may already know shopstyle.com for its extensive range of designer labels, but what really got me going was the stylebook application that allows you to pull any item available on their website to create your own personal look.

before i knew it, i was adding giuseppe shoes, throwing on stella mccartney jackets and spritzing prada perfume (all virtually of course, but still very very fun nonetheless), and this - ladies and ladies, is the very first look that i came up with.

this could well become an all-consuming addiction. maybe i'll try to control myself by creating just one look a day?

Cooking Up A Storm

I think I am on a roll today.

i rose bright and early this morning, thinking i should make the best out of my final week before work at the university begins next monday.

since i probably wont have much time for idle pursuits like pottering around the kitchen in future, i decided to put an end to my years of procrastination and get round to making my own gyoza.

gyoza are the japanese adaptation of chinese pot-stickers, little pan-fried dumplings filled with minced pork, chives and chopped cabbage. personally i am a huge fan of the japanese version because the dumpling skins are much thinner, which means crispy goodness and juicier morsels.

the cooking book said i could make 20 dumplings, and that was exactly what i ended up with (you really have to hand it to japanese recipes for their sheer precision).


fried eight of them to go with a bowl of chinese vermicelli soup for lunch:



i then proceeded to bake a lemon gateau cake with lemon sugar frosting for tea.

the recipe was dead-easy but the frosting was a little tricky because i didnt have any icing sugar at home. googled for substitutes and realised that i could actually blend regular granulated sugar with corn starch to create my own icing sugar.

the frosting turned out to be a little rough for my liking, making the cake five points short of perfection, but still it was moist with just the right amount of tangy sweetness. perfect with a hot mug of tea on a rainy afternoon!

Technical Update

Been having one too many blogwalkers spamming the comment box these days so I decided to remove it altogether from the page.

it's going to take a little more trouble leaving comments from now on, but at least we'll be free from spam : )

well, hopefully.

Long Overdue

We've been married for four months but our wedding pictures only arrived in the mail this week.

it's a small shame not being able to look at the photographs at the height of our nuptial glow, but we had fun trawling through the pictures anyway.

ken and i arent the posey-posey sort, so we decided to forgo the de-rigueur pre-wedding photo shoot in favour of a short picture-taking session after the wedding (considering how we were blanching at some of the poses our photographer had us do during the shoot, i'd say that was probably a very good move).

surprisingly though, most of the posed shots turned out pretty okay. here are a few of my favourites:

Basil Me Silly

On a whim, I brought home a huge bag of them from the fresh fruit and vegetable market in downtown naha.

i didn't know what i could do with such a mammoth pile of leaves, so i tried making my own basil pesto.

40 basil leaves, two tablespoons of finely grated parmesan cheese, 100ml of olive oil and 4 cloves of garlic were blended to yield quite a handsome portion of homemade pesto.



tossed in a saucepan with some penne, shiitake and bacon, the basil pesto made for an effortless, lip-smacking lunch.

the rest of the larger leaves were left to dry in the sun. i figured dried basil could come in handy for soups and oil-based salad dressings. plus, they'd make good company for the jars of rosemary and lemongrass sitting on my kitchen window sill.





when all the work in the kitchen was done, i caught up on some overdue reading (i know i know, it's a magazine and not quite such an intelligent read) over a hot cup of lemongrass tea.



best way to combat a headache, if you'd ask me.

Last Weekend

Turned out to be a pretty lovely one.

okinawa heralded the arrival of spring with the nation's first fireworks display of the year. we make it a point to attend the festival every year since it's held at the beach just ten minutes from our apartment. usually, the streets leading up to the venue would be flanked by food and game stalls and the place would be thronged with visitors, but this year, such pasar-malam gaiety was nowhere to be seen.

despite the shadows cast by last month's earthquake and tsunami, we had one of the best (free) seats in the house. beer, fried chicken, great company and an hour and a half's worth of man-made stars exploding across the sky. you can't possibly ask for more.



the day after, we marked Qing Ming by trooping down to the family grave for some tomb-sweeping. okinawa is the only prefecture in japan that still observes chinese customs such as lunar new year and qing ming, and the similarities with the practices carried out in singapore are uncanny. tombs in okinawa are huge and tortoise-shaped, making them very similar in appearance to some of the older chinese graves back home. offerings to ancestors consist of paper money (yellow in colour too!), joss sticks, brewed tea and お節-like food consisting of stewed pork, fish tempura and rice cakes. what's most interesting about qing ming in okinawa is that everyone sits down to a picnic at the grave after tomb-sweeping is complete.

i went armed with a camera to fulfill my intention of chronicling the day with photographs, but that task had to be set aside when i was handed a pair of workgloves and a small parang. the next time though, those gloves are coming off for some picture-taking!

two hours of grass-cutting and a short picnic later, us and the rest of the extended family ended the afternoon by settling down to a fancy japanese lunch at one of the city's fanciest hotels.

To Feel Good

I think music nowadays has become disposible.

with the advent of the digital music movement, along with mp3s and ipods, people tend not to listen to the same things too often. play something you've downloaded cheaply off itunes five times and you're ready to buy a new tune online again.

and so to cater to fickle consumers, music factories have had to churn out more artistes, more songs and more albums just to keep up.

jay-z calls them "auto-tunes", and i think i'll have to agree. there are less golden melodies and more forgettable white noise dominating the airwaves these days.

i miss the days when i made my own mixed tapes, and when i mulled over which cd to buy because they were too expensive for a 15 year old.

some feel-good songs that you hardly hear on the radio these days:

Lenny Kravitz, "It Ain't Over Til It's Over" (and here he is, looking incredibly good in this live performance)



Mark Morrison, "Return of the Mack"



The Cranberries, "Linger" (i can still remember all of the lyrics!)



East 17, "Deep" (i loved east 17 before i ever began to like take that. my idea of the best boy band from england.)



PM Dawn, "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss" (i think i only ever liked spandau ballet's "true" because of this song)



ah, the simple bliss of nostalgia.

Of Cubs and Hindi Movies

Of late, the mood has been sombre.

cherry blossoms are close to blooming but this year, people are worried about celebrating in the face of misery and suffering.

to lift spirits (and also perhaps in line with media guidelines in times of crisis), there's been a bumper crop of light-hearted variety programmes showing evergreen song specials and funny video clips.

here are two that really made me laugh out loud:

this little cub, abandoned at birth by his mother, is terribly shy and doesn't quite mix well with others. watch what happens when zookeepers place him with other animals in a bid to help overcome his fear.



always wondered what will happen if you match a hindi movie dance sequence to a traditional japanese marching band song? here's a video to satisfy that curiosity of yours:

Married (Again)!!

So now you are no longer registered as a swinging single in Japan.

the day we got married all over again at the city office.

Saving Lives

To prepare for the father-in-law's eventual discharge from hospital, the entire family was herded to a lifesaver's course yesterday.

while ken's dad is out of the woods, he remains susceptible to cardiac failure. although we have indicated to doctors our intention to care for ken's father at home, the hospital reminded us that we'd have to do so with the knowledge that an episode similar to what took place last month might happen again with little or no forewarning. so in the case of an emergency, the family would have to function as the first and most crucial source of medical aid.

under the watchful eyes of ken's father (who sat in for the course), we were briefed on the proper way to call for an ambulance and given a demonstration on administering CPR. we even had a go at the AED (automatic external defibrilator). if ken's dad had been a plastic CPR doll, he'd have come back to life no less than 8 times in an afternoon.

there's something very heartwarming about ken's 83 year-old grandfather as he listens intently to the nurse, carefully taking notes. the man is still very light on his feet despite his age, but performing CPR for a full 2 minutes at a go is no mean feat even for me, let alone for a tiny old man tasked with caring for a person 20 years his junior.

there are still many things we have yet to figure out. like fitting everyone's schedules so that ken's dad will not be left alone at home, or applying for the right kinds of public health insurance and inquiring about day care and home nursing.

but i'm sure we will get there. for now, i am really liking my new family.

our kit for the day:

the family being briefed on the importance of CPR:

ken's dad watches on intently:

ken's mom giving mouth-to-mouth:

ken and his grandfather's turn to try:

Time For A Prayer

It is complete and utter destruction.

the worst earthquake in the history of japan since the government officially began keeping records in the meiji era, the earthquake that took place off the eastern seacoast of miyagi prefecture in northern japan yesterday afternoon has wreaked extensive and debilitating damage on many parts of the country.

just looking at the news footage on tv is painful.
entire towns submerged
cars and huge fishing trawlers swept up against buildings
houses floating away on an ocean of mud and water
people stranded on the rooftop of hospitals and schools waiting for help
nuclear energy facilities in danger of implosion
burning petroleum tanks and refineries
a car with its headlights on and horns blaring, washed away into the sea
thousands encamped in central tokyo due to a transportation deadlock
hundreds and thousands of households left without electricity and water

there was footage of an old lady clasping her hands to her mouth as she watched her town being flushed away by the tsunami. another woman crying out for help from under the debris of a demolished house. one young woman crying out her son's name to a search-and-rescue team. a man walking distractedly through a street that had been laid to waste by the disaster.

it is damage of an extent not entirely and immediately comprehensible to people. it seems almost unfair that we have been spared the catastrophy and given the privilege of watching the terror unfold across from a television screen.

people who have experienced an earthquake will tell you that it is not something that you can ever learn to get used to. the earth starts to rattle and there are ungodly rumbling and creaking sounds that come from below you, almost like the voice of the earth groaning. your apartment building shakes from side to side, and things start to fall. you are paralysed with fear and you can't even move, let alone remember to evacuate.

it's a terrible cliche, but again i am thankful that the kinds of disasters that we have to endure in singapore are limited to man-made flash floods triggered by a questionable barrage. it makes you grateful that we never have to worry about our physical safety being threatened by natural calamities.

there really is so much to be thankful for.

Life's Curveballs

Just when I was thinking of writing about death and mortality, it happened.

it's odd really, sometimes how things take place.
my mom used to tell me that when she was much younger, she was so busy with caring for the family that she never had the time to worry about her own health and well-being. now that we're all grown though, she finds herself having to come to terms with her own mortality and the fact that she is growing old.

i think it is when people find something that they want to live for that they start worrying about dying. that we are mere mortal flesh is fearful because that means the things that we yearn and live for can be taken away from us with a very sudden and unfortunate stroke of fate.

that thought struck home two mondays ago.

it was close to midnight and we had been spending the night quietly in front of the television when his mom called with the news.

ken's father had woken up to go to the bathroom when his heart suddenly failed. my mother-in-law frantically called for an ambulance and ken's brother, who works in a hospice, performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation while they waited for help to arrive. the medics had to revive ken's father with an external defibrillator because his heart had stopped beating.

memories of ken's grandmother dying suddenly from a stroke kept coming to mind as i drove us to the hospital, because ken was in singapore when it happened and he couldnt make it back home in time to see her.

before we were allowed to see ken's father in ER the doctors kept telling us they werent sure if he could be saved. they told us his pulse was wildly irregular, that of the three arteries grafted in a bypass some 8 years ago two had failed. they reminded us of his father's medical history (he was born with a heart condition) and asked if we would allow them to attach him to a life support machine.

the main problem with going ahead with life support is that once a patient is placed on it, they cannot be taken off it because of Japanese laws prohibiting euthanasia. in the event that patients fail to recover or lose all brain activity, their lives would inevitably be prolonged for an indeterminate period of time through life support.

all of this information was presented to us by no less that three doctors while ken's father remained in ER. we asked for time to think about the possibilities and implications, but werent allowed the luxury of thinking the situation through given the circumstances.

ken and his family eventually decided that saving his father was ultimately more important that the fear of unwittingly prolonging his suffering in the future, and so the decision was made in favour of life support.

i have never seen the going-ons inside an emergency room, and being face-to-face with a loved one on the brink of death and fighting for life is something i can find no words to describe. there were tubes attached all over his frail body, and a hole had been cut at the side of his neck to drain liquid accumulating in his lungs.

over the next four days, we took turns to keep vigil as ken's father floated in and out of consciousness. we talked to him and held his hand, played his favourite music, had his old friends come visit.

ken's dad is now back in a normal ward and for now, things are looking good. although his heart had stopped when he collapsed at home, little damage was done to the brain, a fact doctors attribute to ken's quick-thinking family and timely medical attention.

over that week i realised a few important things about life and family. though unfortunate, what happened to ken's father brought the family closer together. i was deeply touched by how everyone kept their spirits up and their hopes high, and even in the most trying of times, we all remembered to laugh and make light of the situation. most of all, i realised that you can really make someone better just by being that one thing worth living for.