Life's Curveballs

Just when I was thinking of writing about death and mortality, it happened.

it's odd really, sometimes how things take place.
my mom used to tell me that when she was much younger, she was so busy with caring for the family that she never had the time to worry about her own health and well-being. now that we're all grown though, she finds herself having to come to terms with her own mortality and the fact that she is growing old.

i think it is when people find something that they want to live for that they start worrying about dying. that we are mere mortal flesh is fearful because that means the things that we yearn and live for can be taken away from us with a very sudden and unfortunate stroke of fate.

that thought struck home two mondays ago.

it was close to midnight and we had been spending the night quietly in front of the television when his mom called with the news.

ken's father had woken up to go to the bathroom when his heart suddenly failed. my mother-in-law frantically called for an ambulance and ken's brother, who works in a hospice, performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation while they waited for help to arrive. the medics had to revive ken's father with an external defibrillator because his heart had stopped beating.

memories of ken's grandmother dying suddenly from a stroke kept coming to mind as i drove us to the hospital, because ken was in singapore when it happened and he couldnt make it back home in time to see her.

before we were allowed to see ken's father in ER the doctors kept telling us they werent sure if he could be saved. they told us his pulse was wildly irregular, that of the three arteries grafted in a bypass some 8 years ago two had failed. they reminded us of his father's medical history (he was born with a heart condition) and asked if we would allow them to attach him to a life support machine.

the main problem with going ahead with life support is that once a patient is placed on it, they cannot be taken off it because of Japanese laws prohibiting euthanasia. in the event that patients fail to recover or lose all brain activity, their lives would inevitably be prolonged for an indeterminate period of time through life support.

all of this information was presented to us by no less that three doctors while ken's father remained in ER. we asked for time to think about the possibilities and implications, but werent allowed the luxury of thinking the situation through given the circumstances.

ken and his family eventually decided that saving his father was ultimately more important that the fear of unwittingly prolonging his suffering in the future, and so the decision was made in favour of life support.

i have never seen the going-ons inside an emergency room, and being face-to-face with a loved one on the brink of death and fighting for life is something i can find no words to describe. there were tubes attached all over his frail body, and a hole had been cut at the side of his neck to drain liquid accumulating in his lungs.

over the next four days, we took turns to keep vigil as ken's father floated in and out of consciousness. we talked to him and held his hand, played his favourite music, had his old friends come visit.

ken's dad is now back in a normal ward and for now, things are looking good. although his heart had stopped when he collapsed at home, little damage was done to the brain, a fact doctors attribute to ken's quick-thinking family and timely medical attention.

over that week i realised a few important things about life and family. though unfortunate, what happened to ken's father brought the family closer together. i was deeply touched by how everyone kept their spirits up and their hopes high, and even in the most trying of times, we all remembered to laugh and make light of the situation. most of all, i realised that you can really make someone better just by being that one thing worth living for.