Sometimes I too wish that I could punch the lights out of Ken.
Make his nose bleed the way my heart does. Kick him in the groin so hard tears like the ones i shed flow. make him the target of my frustrations the way he makes me his emotional punching bag.
sadly the weekend wasnt better than last wednesday. there's something about stupidly thinking that things couldnt get any worse, and then you realise that hell really has no bottom.
maybe he is singularly incapable of love. by that i mean he is probably not one who would willingly put aside his pain to address the needs of others.
just as jac said, in ken's universe you play by his rules. if the king says you must, you simply have to. no ifs, no buts, no nos.
i probably should be living on another planet.
last night i began to consider the option of moving out on my own. to be honest the thought of having to move again is enough to scare me into postponing my decision, but i didnt come all the way here to be bullied.
it is unsettling when i find myself unwilling to think about the steps i ought to be taking to solve the problem, and i know that a good part of me is still stubbornly wishing that things will eventually get better on their own.
dont get me wrong, this is not a break up. this is, however, something close to a desperate situation so i have to consider an equally desperate measure. i know i ought to keep the channels of communication open and keep talking until i solve the problem, but i dont know how to. for some reason my eloquence falls ten notches whenever i try to bare my soul to ken.
i know i probably said this a hundred million times, but i am tired of hoping that he might come to love me the way i should be loved, and i am so sick of being treated like some old nagging hag he married 40 years ago when we've only just begun our life together two months ago.
i love this man but i dont know how long i can keep doing this. i have this fear that all the good would be eaten out of me and one fine day i would just turn completely brittle and bitter.
本当に報われない。
Make his nose bleed the way my heart does. Kick him in the groin so hard tears like the ones i shed flow. make him the target of my frustrations the way he makes me his emotional punching bag.
sadly the weekend wasnt better than last wednesday. there's something about stupidly thinking that things couldnt get any worse, and then you realise that hell really has no bottom.
maybe he is singularly incapable of love. by that i mean he is probably not one who would willingly put aside his pain to address the needs of others.
just as jac said, in ken's universe you play by his rules. if the king says you must, you simply have to. no ifs, no buts, no nos.
i probably should be living on another planet.
last night i began to consider the option of moving out on my own. to be honest the thought of having to move again is enough to scare me into postponing my decision, but i didnt come all the way here to be bullied.
it is unsettling when i find myself unwilling to think about the steps i ought to be taking to solve the problem, and i know that a good part of me is still stubbornly wishing that things will eventually get better on their own.
dont get me wrong, this is not a break up. this is, however, something close to a desperate situation so i have to consider an equally desperate measure. i know i ought to keep the channels of communication open and keep talking until i solve the problem, but i dont know how to. for some reason my eloquence falls ten notches whenever i try to bare my soul to ken.
i know i probably said this a hundred million times, but i am tired of hoping that he might come to love me the way i should be loved, and i am so sick of being treated like some old nagging hag he married 40 years ago when we've only just begun our life together two months ago.
i love this man but i dont know how long i can keep doing this. i have this fear that all the good would be eaten out of me and one fine day i would just turn completely brittle and bitter.
本当に報われない。
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